Think About This

So I've been on hiatus for a bit here. I went on vacation the other week and have been swamped between work and trying to get stuff ready to pack for the move back to college. I apologize for my lack of posting.

That said I will most likely not have a post for this week and plan to start up with it the week of August 22 after classes actually begin.

There is something, however, that I want to get you thinking about. Let me give you a backstory first:

Last year I lived off campus, so I had to reapply and be assigned a room to go back on campus for my final semester. I got into the apartments that I wanted and was placed in a great location(bottom of the building and the hill). Like so many others getting new roommates I have been emailing both my upcoming roommates to get information and share things about myself. One of these things was my desire to not have guys spending the night. This is something that I do not feel is appropriate for men and women to be sleeping in the other room without a locked door separating them. This has caused problems between myself and one roommate. We haven't met yet, but her determination to have guys spend the night(she says her brother and guy friends) against my conviction against it is already causing strife.

I have been struggling for about a month now as to how to work this out so that we can both agree and live together for ~18 weeks. I have offered to set up places for her friends/brother to stay with male friends but got a response that I needed to "get over [myself]."

So I want to pose this question to all of you. What are some things that you have strong convictions on? Whether it be a moral conviction or not. Is your conviction stronger than it needs/should be? When dealing with someone who opposes your conviction and is unwilling to respect it how much do you fight for it? Is there a level where the argument and your attitude becomes a wall that doesn't allow God's glory to shine from you?

Especially for those starting college now, I strongly urge you to think about these things. You may have roommates, classmates, or even friends who do not respect your beliefs and will mock you for them. You may get into a disagreement on your convictions of what is moral(particularly things relating to sex) in which you must struggle between being a light and sticking to your principles. You can't force others to live morally, but you also need to feel safe and secure in your own room.

I had this same issue a couple of years ago with a roommate who wanted her boyfriend spending the night every other weekend. After several weeks of disagreements, attempts to come to an agreement, involvement of the RA and Staff Resident, and strife in the apartment she was moved to another one with people who shared her viewpoint.

Last year I moved off campus and had three roommates. Everyone had their own rooms with locks. One roommate graduated in Dec. and needed to find a subleaser. She found a guy wanting to sublease and checked him out before bringing him by. In the end because the subleaser would be a guy the rest of us had to OK him moving in with us. My other two roommates had no problems with it. I, however, held reservations. After much debate and conscious thought  I decided to OK it as well mostly because this girl desperately needed someone to rent the room as she didn't have a job yet and wasn't even living there. We had locks on the door and privacy in our own rooms. In the end he was rarely there and it was more like having two female roommates instead of two female and one male roommate.

As opposed to two years ago when I had the same type situation as now, I am more likely to seek a compromise with my roommate. I will not ignore my convictions; I am simply rethinking them and searching for the point that I become a legalist, imposing my morals on another (who is NOT a believer) vs. being a reflection of God's love.

Does this mean that I to allow her to have guys spend the night I will need to find somewhere else to sleep every single time? No. Does this mean that I let her have guys spend the night on a moment's notice whenever she wants? No. What it means is discussing with her as the adults we should be about how we can respect each other and determine where each of us can give some ground. For instance, I am willing to let her have one guy spend the night one weekend a month, no overnight visitors during the week so long as he does not go into the bedroom after a certain time. It would also mean that she would have to plan ahead of time for him to come and tell myself and our other roommate prior to his arrival. There is nothing worse than an unexpected overnight guest(without extreme circumstances).

The one thing I will not compromise on no matter what is sex in the apartment. If she had her own room it would not affect me, and I wouldn't care. But we all have the same bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and living room. As my roommates last year and I agreed on: What happens in your own room is your business. If it spills out into community living space it's everyone's business.

Alive by P.O.D.

I've been meaning to get to this song for awhile. P.O.D. was one of the bands that I listened to a lot when I was younger. In seventh grade we had to do two devotions a year in my Bible class. The first one I did was on this song "Alive" by P.O.D. I did all the research on the meaning and everything before I went into it. The second song I did was "Rippin' Me Off" by Skillet. My teacher after both of them said that I would most likely not live to see my 16th birthday because I would probably kill myself first due to the "heavy" music I listened to. I don't know about you, but a song about feeling alive and being thankful for every single day you have on this earth is not one that promotes suicide.

The meaning I see behind this song is someone who has finally found God. Someone who's finally become a believer. lines like "Now that I see you, I can never look away." Now that he's found God, he can't turn away from that and has hope for the future. He's on this total high. Just think about this

"And now that I know you
I could never turn my back away
And now that I see you
I could never look away
And now that I know you
I could never turn my back away
And now that I see you
I'll believe no matter what they say"

Definitely speaks to me that he's talking to God saying that now that I truly know you I'm yours and I'm not turning away from you. I won't deny you or be ashamed of you.

The lead singer, Sonny Sandoval said that it's a song about not taking anything for granted and living every day to the fullest as if it's your last. He said it's about a guy who realizes that there is a God and something more to live for causing him to see everything different and live his life to the fullest.

I've heard the question before, "What would you do if you knew you were going to die tomorrow?" Most people answer with things like travel, do some crazy stunt, or commit a crime (usually as some sort of revenge). What would you do? Today very well could be your last day; you don't know. Would you continue living like you are, or change something? If you would change something, then you aren't living life to the fullest.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't say that you'd go on some big trip. You may not be able to afford said trip currently. I'm talking about how you actually live. If you were going to die tomorrow would you be going around mending relationships? loving your family more? spending more time serving? If you answer to those questions is "yes," then maybe you need to find ways to do that now.

It's easier said than done, I know. I don't always love my family as much as I can. I certainly don't help out around the house as much as I could when I'm home. I haven't done as much service as I've wanted to lately, really not since I left my old church. I haven't asked the questions I've wanted to ask, haven't built up as strong of relationships as I could, etc.

I need to work on this, and if you're like me then you do too. Just think about what you were like that first day you became a Christian. If you were older, then you might remember it quite well. Was there a difference in your output at that moment? Did you feel any different? Or if you've ever gone to church camp do you remember all those promises you made during the week that you never kept? What would it be like to actually do those things? Or at least make a strong effort to do so.

Here's a challenge. Think of one thing that you can work on over the course of the next week. Really try to do it. I'd love to hear back what some people attempt and how they went about doing so. I'd also like to hear about whether or not you succeeded in your attempts. Even the attempt should be some encouragement than not trying at all.

Week #21 Alive by P.O.D.

Alive
by P.O.D.
Everyday is a new day
I'm thankful for every breath I take
I won't take it for granted
So I learn from my mistakes
It's beyond my control, sometimes it's best to let go
Whatever happens in this lifetime
So I trust in love
You have given me peace of mind

[Chorus]
I feel so alive for the very first time
I can't deny you
I feel so alive
I feel so alive for the very first time 
And I think I can fly

Sunshine upon my face
A new song for me to sing
Tell the world how I feel inside
Even though it might cost me everything
Now that I know this, so beyond, I can't hold this
I can never turn my back away
Now that I've seen you
I can never look away

[Chorus]

Now that I know you (I could never turn my back away)
Now that I see you (I could never look away)
Now that I know you (I could never turn my back away)
Now that I see you (I believe no matter what they say)

[Chorus x 2]

Whispers in the Dark by Skillet (post by Far From Alone)

No, you'll never be alone. When darkness comes you'll know I'm never far, hear the whispers in the dark.

If you know Skillet, then you are very familiar with these words. It is very powerful musically, is the live opener, and it a song to those who feel alone and broken. The lyrics to this song inspired my username on most of my online haunts, and cause me to rock out to these at concerts. In fact, I'm pretty sure that half of the blame of my still-sore-from-Ichthus neck can be blamed on it. "Whispers in the Dark" is an incredible song that has been very important to me these past two years, and has kept me from becoming a person that I never wanted to become. 

In these past two years, there have been many changes in my life. For starters, I moved to a new state (again), which in turn meant leaving my best friend behind. I'm sure that you can imagine how tough that would be. Previously, I had close friends that I trusted, but they were never close enough to feel like a sister. I realized how lonely I had been after we got so close, and I didn't want to leave that bond of friendship that I finally had. For what seemed like the first time in my life, I had someone that I could share secrets, pains, and memories both good and bad with. For the first time, I had someone who "got" all of my idiosyncracies. For the first time, I had to leave this person. Despite how close we were (and still are), because she had never moved anywhere outside of the town she was born in, I didn't feel like I could share how much knowledge of this move hurt. I knew about the impending move half a year before it actually happened, so I decided to put on a facade. The entire time, the pain, hurt, and sadness was building up. He is the source of the "Whispers in the dark" that comfort us and heal us.

I felt so alone, and therefore unloved.

Eventually, the time came that I actually moved. The stress and agony was taking its toll, and I felt depressed. As we pulled onto the interstate and I looked at my now former home one last time, I vowed that I would never be close to anyone again. Why should I bother if that person was just going to move again? I hated my life so much at that point. I couldn't help but ask questions. Why did I have to move? Would I ever have close friends? I didn't sleep well for a while.

We got to the area where we live now and stayed in guest lodging while we found our house. While my parents were out house hunting one evening, I was in the room all my myself. I had nothing do do except to read and listen to music. I read a bit, but, as often happens, I got bored. This left the music, naturally. Nothing on my iPod was standing out to listen to, so I put on Skillet. If all else fails, I can always listen to some Skillet. I went to the Comatose CD and just started playing it. I stared off into space through all of Rebirthing, but I decided that I wanted to listen to Whispers in the Dark. I'm glad that I was alone when I listened to that, because I started crying. In case you don't know, the first line is "Despite the lies that you're making, your love is mine for the taking." 

I had been lying to myself. Though it felt like I had no one else to talk to besides my friend, I had been missing God when he said "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest," in the book of Matthew (11:28). Despite these lies, as the song goes, my love was still his for the taking. I felt unloved, but feelings lie most of the time. It was wrong for me to feel like I was unloved, because my Lord saved me, thereby loving me more than any human relationship could. When we focus ourselves on the things of this world, we take our focus off of God. Only He should be the one that we run to, and only he should be the one to guide us. Because his love is the "burning consuming fire," it demands all of us. When we feel "lonely and ragged" and "lay here broken and naked," only He can heal us.

I'm sure that God was speaking to me through that song. It told me that I was not alone, and that I was loved. I had been ignoring God when I felt that I had no one to talk to, because God is always there, and listens to my prayers. To me, that song had incredible timing. My emotions by the time I listened to this had run dry, and cutting was looking very appealing. I knew that I didn't want to, but even pain would have felt better than nothing. I prayed to the Lord for renewal of faith in Him, then renounced my vow to never make friends. I've still had trouble, and I've still felt alone, most recently at the one year anniversary of my move (which I believe to be no coincidence), but I have been renewed, and I am making good, solid, Godly friendships. Because of God working through this song, my faith has been renewed, and I know that I will never be alone, no matter what the evils of this world try to tell me. Though I may still get sad and depressed feeling, I know one thing:

My love is just waiting
To turn your tears to roses.

Week #20 Whispers in the Dark by Skillet

Whispers in the Dark

by Skillet

(Despite the lies that you're making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is just waiting
To turn your tears to roses)

Despite the lies that you're making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is just waiting
To turn your tears to roses

I will be the one that's gonna hold you
I will be the one that you run to
My love is a burning, consuming fire

No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes
I'll light the night with stars
Hear my whispers in the dark

No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes
You know I'm never far
Hear my whispers in the dark
(whispers in the dark)

You feel so lonely and ragged
You lay here broken and naked
My love is just waiting
To clothe you in crimson roses

I will be the one that's gonna find you
I will be the one that's gonna guide you
My love is a burning, consuming fire

No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes
I'll light the night with stars
Hear my whispers in the dark

No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes
You know I'm never far
Hear my whispers in the dark (x2)

(whispers in the dark)
(whispers in the dark)
(whispers in the dark) 

Rewind by Pillar

This song to me is one of regret. There are a few ways that I look at it. One is a person talking to God about running away from Him, which is obvious to me. The other way is a person talking to another person like a parent or mentor who has been involved in their life all while this person was destroying themselves in front of them and doing things to hurt their parent or mentor.

I see both of those because I fit both of them. I want to start with the second thing I see as that was what the song touched in me when I was younger. When I was younger, I struggled with clinical depression. I was also the kind of person who was far too proud to ask for help. I was an angry, hurt, overly-critical perfectionist who pushed away anyone who got close enough to help me. As I was growing up and started to actually receive help, I noticed it and was saddened by how many relationships were destroyed simply because I was too proud to let anyone into my world. The way I treated my parents was especially sad because no matter how much I pushed them away or ignored them or whatever, they kept trying and never gave up. Out of everyone that has come and gone in my life, my parents have been there offering advice whether I asked for it or not. They'd criticize when they thought it'd help or do whatever was in their power to help raise myself and my sisters. All the while we treated them like garbage when we were angry and tried to push them out of our lives. So yes, if I could rewind, I'd take it all back and be more open with them and do my best to let them into my life more.

More importantly is the thing I read into this song(and what I think the song is truly about) is a person talking to God. My life this past year has been amazing. It was like nothing that happened was so life altering to me that my whole world came crashing down like they used to. I had amazing friends, got involved in a great church with great community, finally joined a campus ministry that I love and feel like I belong in. My family was doing well, academics were going well enough, my roommates and I got along and never fought about anything. We had our altercations, but nothing like I had experienced the year before with one particular roommate. The negatives that did happen, didn't even appear so bad anymore.

Now why would I even mention this? Well because this definitely wasn't the case even a few years ago. It used to be that even the small things would drive me crazy and I would just get depressed or angry. I'd push everyone away, and I mean everyone especially God. I was a Christian, but I didn't act like one at all. I doubted God at every turn. I doubted His love and therefore stopped showing love to others. I blamed Him for the negatives in my life and actually believed that there was no way out of the messes I was in.

Hindsight is an amazing thing. Looking back I can see those times that I not only pushed other people away, but pushed God as far away as possible. I see the times where I struggled with things and actually put relationships with certain people in front of God. The point where those relationships became idols. I see how He broke up those relationships in sometimes simple falling outs where we went our separate ways, or, as with the more intensely idolized relationships, tore them to shreds in memorable and regrettable events. I remember one of them specifically, which I will not go into detail on. But I remember not too long ago thinking about those events and thinking that if I could go back to when that falling out started how I would change this or that to salvage the relationship. Yesterday I was reflecting on some things and realized something different. If I could go back to when that relationship died, I probably wouldn't changed anything, but if I did, I would have preferred to go back further in the relationship and not let it become an idol. I would have told myself to get out before I let it get that far. God used that chaos to teach me a lesson that He was the only one that I needed to depend on fully. That my relationship with Him is and will be the most important one in my entire life. Am I sad that I pushed Him away and scorned Him and put up idols before Him? Yes. Would I change anything? No.

It's actually pretty simple. God has taught me so many different things through all of my failures with Him and people and other areas of life. So why would I want to rewind and change those so that I don't learn those lessons? Every single thing that I have done be it good or bad and how I have handled those things have made me into who I am today. They all have taught me different things about who I am, who God is, and why I can't do this on my own.

Is there anything I'd do if I could rewind? I'd just notice more and more how much God's hand has been involved in my life leading me to where I am and how He's still leading me to where I will go.

Week #19 Rewind by Pillar

Rewind
by Pillar


It seems just like yesterday was the first time that I heard You call my name
Since then, so much has changed
I'm still the same man that I was before

Knowing that I can be without anything scares me away from being alone
Now, that I know what's going on
I can look back and see You
And I made You wait, as I turned away

Chorus
If I could rewind, watch all my life
Just pass me by, I could see You
If I could rewind, I'd take back the lies
And all of those times I hurt You

I don't know if I'll ever know exactly how much that I hurt You
Knowing that hurts me everyday
If I could rewind, I would take it away
And not make You wait, and I won't walk away

Chorus

I wanna take back all those lies
I wanna take back all those times
I wanna show You with my life that I'm here for You

Chorus 

Lucy by Skillet (post by 4given4ever)

This is a post submitted by 4given4ever about the song "Lucy" by Skillet.

The entire song of Lucy are words directly from my dad. He's in prison and has an outrageously long sentence. We aren't allowed contact thru letters or anything else anymore, but I believe that this song has broken that barrier and comes directly from him. My old nickname that only he used was Lucy which makes me certain this is a Godsend from my dad. Besides the line, I left a dozen roses on your grave today, the words give me hope of a future reunion with him. My favorite lines in the bridge: 

Here we are, now you're in my arms,
I never wanted anything so bad.
Here we are for a brand new start,
 living the life that we could've had.
Me and Lucy walking hand in hand,
Me and Lucy never wanna end! 

They fill me with emotion every time I hear them. It gives me so much hope that we'll see each other again and even if not on this Earth, then in Heaven, where we never say goodbye! I know this isn't the intended meaning that John wrote the song for, but it doesn't matter, because my dad wrote this song. I feel so blessed to be able to receive this from him, and I thank God for breaking thru the 'no-contact' barrier in such an amazing and special way to me. I hope I can thank John someday for creating the most meaningful song Skillet has ever produced, and I actually didn't start thinking of it like this until recently and once I discovered the true meaning....wow. I was just blown away. I ask God everyday why my dad had to leave, he's such a good man in every way, and while this song doesn't tell me why, it gives me hope. It doesn't focus on the painful past and explaining everything, it makes me look towards the future. Which I can see now was God's plan all along.