Rewind by Pillar

This song to me is one of regret. There are a few ways that I look at it. One is a person talking to God about running away from Him, which is obvious to me. The other way is a person talking to another person like a parent or mentor who has been involved in their life all while this person was destroying themselves in front of them and doing things to hurt their parent or mentor.

I see both of those because I fit both of them. I want to start with the second thing I see as that was what the song touched in me when I was younger. When I was younger, I struggled with clinical depression. I was also the kind of person who was far too proud to ask for help. I was an angry, hurt, overly-critical perfectionist who pushed away anyone who got close enough to help me. As I was growing up and started to actually receive help, I noticed it and was saddened by how many relationships were destroyed simply because I was too proud to let anyone into my world. The way I treated my parents was especially sad because no matter how much I pushed them away or ignored them or whatever, they kept trying and never gave up. Out of everyone that has come and gone in my life, my parents have been there offering advice whether I asked for it or not. They'd criticize when they thought it'd help or do whatever was in their power to help raise myself and my sisters. All the while we treated them like garbage when we were angry and tried to push them out of our lives. So yes, if I could rewind, I'd take it all back and be more open with them and do my best to let them into my life more.

More importantly is the thing I read into this song(and what I think the song is truly about) is a person talking to God. My life this past year has been amazing. It was like nothing that happened was so life altering to me that my whole world came crashing down like they used to. I had amazing friends, got involved in a great church with great community, finally joined a campus ministry that I love and feel like I belong in. My family was doing well, academics were going well enough, my roommates and I got along and never fought about anything. We had our altercations, but nothing like I had experienced the year before with one particular roommate. The negatives that did happen, didn't even appear so bad anymore.

Now why would I even mention this? Well because this definitely wasn't the case even a few years ago. It used to be that even the small things would drive me crazy and I would just get depressed or angry. I'd push everyone away, and I mean everyone especially God. I was a Christian, but I didn't act like one at all. I doubted God at every turn. I doubted His love and therefore stopped showing love to others. I blamed Him for the negatives in my life and actually believed that there was no way out of the messes I was in.

Hindsight is an amazing thing. Looking back I can see those times that I not only pushed other people away, but pushed God as far away as possible. I see the times where I struggled with things and actually put relationships with certain people in front of God. The point where those relationships became idols. I see how He broke up those relationships in sometimes simple falling outs where we went our separate ways, or, as with the more intensely idolized relationships, tore them to shreds in memorable and regrettable events. I remember one of them specifically, which I will not go into detail on. But I remember not too long ago thinking about those events and thinking that if I could go back to when that falling out started how I would change this or that to salvage the relationship. Yesterday I was reflecting on some things and realized something different. If I could go back to when that relationship died, I probably wouldn't changed anything, but if I did, I would have preferred to go back further in the relationship and not let it become an idol. I would have told myself to get out before I let it get that far. God used that chaos to teach me a lesson that He was the only one that I needed to depend on fully. That my relationship with Him is and will be the most important one in my entire life. Am I sad that I pushed Him away and scorned Him and put up idols before Him? Yes. Would I change anything? No.

It's actually pretty simple. God has taught me so many different things through all of my failures with Him and people and other areas of life. So why would I want to rewind and change those so that I don't learn those lessons? Every single thing that I have done be it good or bad and how I have handled those things have made me into who I am today. They all have taught me different things about who I am, who God is, and why I can't do this on my own.

Is there anything I'd do if I could rewind? I'd just notice more and more how much God's hand has been involved in my life leading me to where I am and how He's still leading me to where I will go.

Week #19 Rewind by Pillar

Rewind
by Pillar


It seems just like yesterday was the first time that I heard You call my name
Since then, so much has changed
I'm still the same man that I was before

Knowing that I can be without anything scares me away from being alone
Now, that I know what's going on
I can look back and see You
And I made You wait, as I turned away

Chorus
If I could rewind, watch all my life
Just pass me by, I could see You
If I could rewind, I'd take back the lies
And all of those times I hurt You

I don't know if I'll ever know exactly how much that I hurt You
Knowing that hurts me everyday
If I could rewind, I would take it away
And not make You wait, and I won't walk away

Chorus

I wanna take back all those lies
I wanna take back all those times
I wanna show You with my life that I'm here for You

Chorus 

Lucy by Skillet (post by 4given4ever)

This is a post submitted by 4given4ever about the song "Lucy" by Skillet.

The entire song of Lucy are words directly from my dad. He's in prison and has an outrageously long sentence. We aren't allowed contact thru letters or anything else anymore, but I believe that this song has broken that barrier and comes directly from him. My old nickname that only he used was Lucy which makes me certain this is a Godsend from my dad. Besides the line, I left a dozen roses on your grave today, the words give me hope of a future reunion with him. My favorite lines in the bridge: 

Here we are, now you're in my arms,
I never wanted anything so bad.
Here we are for a brand new start,
 living the life that we could've had.
Me and Lucy walking hand in hand,
Me and Lucy never wanna end! 

They fill me with emotion every time I hear them. It gives me so much hope that we'll see each other again and even if not on this Earth, then in Heaven, where we never say goodbye! I know this isn't the intended meaning that John wrote the song for, but it doesn't matter, because my dad wrote this song. I feel so blessed to be able to receive this from him, and I thank God for breaking thru the 'no-contact' barrier in such an amazing and special way to me. I hope I can thank John someday for creating the most meaningful song Skillet has ever produced, and I actually didn't start thinking of it like this until recently and once I discovered the true meaning....wow. I was just blown away. I ask God everyday why my dad had to leave, he's such a good man in every way, and while this song doesn't tell me why, it gives me hope. It doesn't focus on the painful past and explaining everything, it makes me look towards the future. Which I can see now was God's plan all along. 

Week #18 Lucy by Skillet

Lucy
by Skillet


Hey Lucy, I remember your name
I left a dozen roses on your grave today
I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away
I just came to talk for a while, got some things I need to say

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today

Hey Lucy, I remembered your birthday
They said it'd bring some closure to say your name
I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance
But all I got are these roses to give
And they can't help me make amends

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/skillet-lyrics/lucy-lyrics.html]

Here we are, now you're in my arms
I never wanted anything so bad
Here we are for a brand new start
Living the life that we could've had

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
Just another moment in your eyes
I'll see you in another life in Heaven
Where we never say goodbye

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today

Here we are, now you're in my arms
Here we are for a brand new start
I got to live with the choices I've made
And I can't live with myself today

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
I've got to live with the choices I've made
And I can't live with myself today

Hey Lucy, I remember your name

Sea of Faces by Kutless

This is a song I wasn't sure when I would use it, but knew I wanted to at some point. This is one where I think it'll best be told by just taking sections and discussing them.

Take the first verse for instance. "I see the city lights all around me/ Everyone's obscure/ Ten million people each with their problems/ Why should anyone care" Just those last two lines say it all. There are about 7 billion people estimated to be living in this world today. In my own city there are approximately 2,779,939 people in the city/suburb I live and work in, the 15th largest urban area in the United States. So why should anyone care about anyone? Why should God care about me? or you? or any single one of us? He doesn't have to at all.

What about the second verse? "Sometimes my life it feels so trivial/ Immersed in the greatness of space/ Yet somehow You still find the time for me/ It's then You show me Your love" You've probably heard someone say that our lives are just a moment in time. We're all just "dust in the wind." That's true. In the whole history of the world our individual lives are trivial and just one moment in the entirety of time. At least to human thought. But it makes you think again... Why did God choose me? 

Well think about the chorus: "I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world/ Lost in a Sea of Faces/ Your body's the brea, Your blood is the wine/ Because you traded your life for mine"

Or the bridge: "If only my one heart/ Was all you'd gain from all it cost/ Well I know you would have still been a man/ With a reason/ To willingly offer your life"

In the whole of the song those just blow me away. My life is trivial. God doesn't HAVE to care about me. But He sent His son to die for ME, and for YOU. Woah! We have a God who is so powerful, so great, and amazing, and He decided to die just for us? Why is it that we don't seem to get it through our thick skulls how incredible this is?

I remember our campus minister saying many times about verses that in other religions people are told to do something so that their "god" will love them. Christianity is the opposite. It says that we should do something because God already loves us. Let me ask you, what did you do to earn favor with God? I know my answer: nothing. He did it for me. I didn't earn His favor in the first place.

In church last summer the pastor was talking about Jesus' role as a mediator. He talked about how so many times we hear it taught that Jesus is interceding by asking the Father to have mercy on us and how wrong that is. His illustration was that of a lawyer and God as being just. He painted a picture of a courtroom with us as the defendant with the judge being the one we wronged. He doesn't have to show us mercy if he doesn't want to. God doesn't have to do anything. If we were to plead our case before God, we would lose and be sentenced to eternity in hell. However, we have a lawyer, Jesus, who is pleading our case. He said that instead of asking God to have mercy on us, he instead is probably reminding God that he, Jesus, has already served our sentence for us. The pastor said that Jesus is most likely asking God to be just as He already is and to be certain that justice is served. That justice would mean not punishing us because Jesus, our lawyer, has already served our sentence as our substitute.

It's such an amazing thought to think about how I am one person in this world, who will most likely do nothing that gets me remembered in history. I don't intend to be president or invent some insane thing that's going to change the world. Most likely I won't do anything that makes a lasting impression on mankind. So why would God send Jesus to die for me of all people? Why would He send Him to die for you?

I was talking with a friend of mine just as exams were ending, and he made a statement about some things in my life and things I've gone through. He said something to the extent of God used a lot of effort to get my attention, so I had better be worth it and make a huge difference. I'll admit I was a huge skeptic even though I grew up in the church and turned away so many times. It took a lot of ups and massive downs (some that I'm not willing to even admit to) in order to get my attention. The second part of what he said is the part that I know I won't be (at least from my perspective). I won't make a huge difference and therefore probably won't be worth it. But isn't that how flawed my perspective is? To God I was and am worth it. We all are worth it. He wants so much to be with us and for us to love Him that He considered us worth dying for. Do we have to go out and change the world? No. We can't do that by ourselves. Do we have to go into organized ministry? No. Do we need to do our best to live for Him and to minister by living the way He wants us to live? Yes. Should we try to make a difference in the lives of the people we meet? Yes. How? I'll let you know exactly how when I figure that one out.

Just remember that although you're only one in about 7 billion faces in this world, you were chosen, and Jesus died so that YOU could be His.

Week #17 Sea of Faces by Kutless

Sea of Faces
by Kutless
I see the city lights all around me
Everyone's obscure
Ten million people each with their problems
Why should anyone care

And in Your eyes I can see
I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world
Lost in a Sea of Faces
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine
Because you traded Your life for mine

Sometimes my life it feels so trivial
Immersed in the greatness of space
Yet somehow you still find the time for me
It's then You show me Your love

And In Your eyes I can see
And in Your arms I will be
I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world
Lost in a Sea of Faces
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine
Because you traded Your life for mine

If only my one heart
Was all you'd gain from all it cost
Well I know you would have still been a man
With a reason
To willingly offer your life

I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world
Lost in a Sea of Faces
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine
Because you traded Your life for mine

Just one in a million faces