So I've been on hiatus for a bit here. I went on vacation the other week and have been swamped between work and trying to get stuff ready to pack for the move back to college. I apologize for my lack of posting.
That said I will most likely not have a post for this week and plan to start up with it the week of August 22 after classes actually begin.
There is something, however, that I want to get you thinking about. Let me give you a backstory first:
Last year I lived off campus, so I had to reapply and be assigned a room to go back on campus for my final semester. I got into the apartments that I wanted and was placed in a great location(bottom of the building and the hill). Like so many others getting new roommates I have been emailing both my upcoming roommates to get information and share things about myself. One of these things was my desire to not have guys spending the night. This is something that I do not feel is appropriate for men and women to be sleeping in the other room without a locked door separating them. This has caused problems between myself and one roommate. We haven't met yet, but her determination to have guys spend the night(she says her brother and guy friends) against my conviction against it is already causing strife.
I have been struggling for about a month now as to how to work this out so that we can both agree and live together for ~18 weeks. I have offered to set up places for her friends/brother to stay with male friends but got a response that I needed to "get over [myself]."
So I want to pose this question to all of you. What are some things that you have strong convictions on? Whether it be a moral conviction or not. Is your conviction stronger than it needs/should be? When dealing with someone who opposes your conviction and is unwilling to respect it how much do you fight for it? Is there a level where the argument and your attitude becomes a wall that doesn't allow God's glory to shine from you?
Especially for those starting college now, I strongly urge you to think about these things. You may have roommates, classmates, or even friends who do not respect your beliefs and will mock you for them. You may get into a disagreement on your convictions of what is moral(particularly things relating to sex) in which you must struggle between being a light and sticking to your principles. You can't force others to live morally, but you also need to feel safe and secure in your own room.
I had this same issue a couple of years ago with a roommate who wanted her boyfriend spending the night every other weekend. After several weeks of disagreements, attempts to come to an agreement, involvement of the RA and Staff Resident, and strife in the apartment she was moved to another one with people who shared her viewpoint.
Last year I moved off campus and had three roommates. Everyone had their own rooms with locks. One roommate graduated in Dec. and needed to find a subleaser. She found a guy wanting to sublease and checked him out before bringing him by. In the end because the subleaser would be a guy the rest of us had to OK him moving in with us. My other two roommates had no problems with it. I, however, held reservations. After much debate and conscious thought I decided to OK it as well mostly because this girl desperately needed someone to rent the room as she didn't have a job yet and wasn't even living there. We had locks on the door and privacy in our own rooms. In the end he was rarely there and it was more like having two female roommates instead of two female and one male roommate.
As opposed to two years ago when I had the same type situation as now, I am more likely to seek a compromise with my roommate. I will not ignore my convictions; I am simply rethinking them and searching for the point that I become a legalist, imposing my morals on another (who is NOT a believer) vs. being a reflection of God's love.
Does this mean that I to allow her to have guys spend the night I will need to find somewhere else to sleep every single time? No. Does this mean that I let her have guys spend the night on a moment's notice whenever she wants? No. What it means is discussing with her as the adults we should be about how we can respect each other and determine where each of us can give some ground. For instance, I am willing to let her have one guy spend the night one weekend a month, no overnight visitors during the week so long as he does not go into the bedroom after a certain time. It would also mean that she would have to plan ahead of time for him to come and tell myself and our other roommate prior to his arrival. There is nothing worse than an unexpected overnight guest(without extreme circumstances).
The one thing I will not compromise on no matter what is sex in the apartment. If she had her own room it would not affect me, and I wouldn't care. But we all have the same bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and living room. As my roommates last year and I agreed on: What happens in your own room is your business. If it spills out into community living space it's everyone's business.
